My first point of psychological reflection as a child began when I saw adults inviting friends into their homes, welcoming them with open arms and offering them a place to stay. I saw grown men smiling with affection toward their friends as their doors swung wide open. Women and mothers hugged each other in warm embrace offering each other a seat at the dinning room table. I noticed something strange inside of me at each moment of such shared intimacy - I felt closed off and it plagued me.
Over the next 40 years I’d find myself on a quest to unearth why I kept people at an arm’s distance, closing my doors and insulating my energy. The answer: my heart was partially blocked.
I had extraordinary gifts of empathy (hint: trauma response), I could be In presence with people at great depth one-to-one, and I could offer my kindness of words and sympathy with ease, I could even finish people’s sentences because I knew how they felt - all signs of an opening in the heart. Yet, the doors to my apartment, house and even former offices largely remained closed to outsiders because I thought I “needed space” - a clear sign of a heart blockage.
I learned that I took on people’s pain and merged it with my own, making for one incredibly uncomfortable physical and emotional experience. I learned that I gave to others as a source of approval since I could not give love to myself. Ouch! These revelations stung like a caffeinated wasp. I began to understand why I was not generous with my personal space in light of me being the most absorbent energetic sponge in the room.
My journey to heal this aspect of myself is cathartic; I’m in the throws and shifting subtle and physical energy daily to allow myself to maintain my own boundaries while extending myself to others. I practice inside my coaching and healing business as I say “welcome in, the tea is hot!” And, in my house, “c’mon in, the curry is hot!” In the car I say, “I’ll yield, please merge in front of me!” as practical ways to allow energy to flow around me without feeling the heavy impact of it’s former punch.
I credit the Microchakra Psychology framework and specific Nada Yoga mantras for my acceleration into my heart, going from conditional relationships into more unconditional relationships. The key to this little known, yet profound body of work, is that mantra, when recited is specific ways at specific times of the day, flourish their sounds as vibrational healing inside of our energy centers. You can recite a mantra for protection or wealth as is typical in Western culture, but in this practice we recite mantra as a means to heal a blockage that when opened allows us to live less from the ego and more from the heart. Here here!
In fact, when I met Sri Shyamji, the founder of the Chakra Institute, he was able to assess that I had not been breast fed simply by him feeling the subtle energy centers on my back. (This is a true gift of a master of energy to be able to do this.) In the first 3 years I didn’t have the skin-to-skin contact necessary for the part of my unconditional heart to open. Luckily I was very loved by my mother, my needs were met otherwise and I felt safe - all of which contributed to my ability to offer other aspects of my heart with people. The heart is so complex and rich!
In this body of work we can consider lack of breast feeding and skin contact to be a “trauma.” Add in the multitudes of other traumas, like for me, the lack of care or attendance of my father, and boom, there’s a recipe for blockages in the heart, among other energy centers (also known as chakra’s).
While these blockages, like neural pathways, formed at a young age, we have the ability to transcend them, to heal them through sound, specifically through mantra. This is good news! Simply listening to a mantra can encourage openings in your energy centers. To that point, I once sat in class with Sri Shymaji, chanting mantra with him when my heart literally cracked open like a chocolate, oozing egg - I was awash in a feeling of ethereal compassion - an incredible sensation that lasted for over an hour. I’ll never forget how my perceived problems, aches and issues simply vanished in that span, as my heart bloomed into bliss.
This is why I regularly listen to mantra, regularly recite mantra, play it when I cook food so that healing energy is imbued into every bite and attend devotional Kirtan’s to chant mantra in a group setting. Living in this “field of compassion,” as the Buddhists name it truly changes one’s life.
If the idea of chanting mantra to open energy in your body intrigues you, watch Sri Shyamji recite a short mantra here.
I’ve made a lot of progress in embracing people in my life and spaces I share! I now love cooking for friends and am more and more welcoming people into my life without needing to merge with their pain. What a relief! The act of loving oneself is likely one of the most challenging aspects of maturing emotionally in our culture, one that requires novel means. If you’re on the path of opening your heart, I feel you and am completely here for you now.